Late Night Political Humor

Stranges Last Nights Top Ten Late-Night TV Jokes January 6 2011
Beep beep! Love from Strange 10. Craig Ferguson : You have to watch the “Jersey Shore” once or you feel left out. It’s water cooler conversation. But whenever I walk up to a water cooler everybody leaves. Perhaps I should find someplace else to wash my penis. 9. Jimmy Kimmel : Ironically, there are now so many Kardashian reality shows that you really can’t keep up with the Kardashians. Future civilizations will assume we worshiped them, like ancient Egyptians worshiped p...

Commentary: Boehner backing away from pledge on health care bill
WASHINGTON — During his first Speech last week as speaker, Republican John Boehner promised a more transparent House of Representatives, one in which “many” bills would be fully debated and open to floor amendments by the Democratic minority. So far, the operative word seems to be “many.” In the coming weeks, House Republicans plan to hold a vote to Repeal the Health Care law signed last year by President Barack Obama. The House vote was set for this week, but is be...

Stranges Last Nights Top Ten Late-Night TV Jokes January 7 2011
9. Jay Leno : There’s now an app for women that turns your iPhone into a vibrator, with various speeds and patterns. So, guys, when your girlfriend tells you she’s on the phone, she might literally be on the phone. 8. Jimmy Fallon : A retired couple with 23 grandkids has one of the two winning tickets in the $180-million Megamillions jackpot. The grandpa and grandma were like, “Who’s going to visit us now, bitches?!” 7. Jay Leno : Hugh Hefner’s 24-year-old fia...

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!
From the GREAT STATE OF Maine... Late Night Snark: Guaranteed Deficit Neutral! "Republicans took control of the House for the first time in four years. They say they’re going to stick to a strict interpretation of the Constitution. I hope you didn’t like voting, women and non-whites." ---Jimmy Kimmel - "Republicans will be pure to their deficit-reduction vows. Kind of like the way a groom on his Wedding day may vow to be faithful except for carving out a few exceptions for peopl...

How Texans voted in Congress
WASHINGTON - How Texas members of the U.S. House voted on selected issues last week. The Senate conducted no votes. House 1. Legislative-Branch Budget: Endorsed, 408-13, a cut of $35.2 million, or less than 1 percent, in the $4.6 billion legislative-branch budget. The cut amounts to 2.6 percent of the House's $1.37 billion share of that yearly budget. The $35.2 million is to be trimmed from House committee and leadership accounts as ...

Shooting could tame tough political rhetoric (Reuters)
WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Protesters parade an altered photo of President Barack Obama sporting an Adolf Hitler-like mustache. A Candidate for the Senate muses about gun "remedies" if Election Results don't go the right way. Members of Congress are spat on and taunted with racial epithets before casting votes for a Healthcare Reform bill. Welcome to politics American-style. For the past few years, some public officeholders and pundits have warned that the political Rhetoric ha...

U.S. cites evidence of assassination plot
TUCSON, Ariz. -- Prosecutors accused Jared Lee Loughner, a troubled 22-year-old college dropout, of five serious federal charges Sunday, including the attempted Assassination of a member of Congress, for his role in a shootout that left 20 people wounded, six of them fatally, on Saturday morning. According to court documents filed in the U.S. District Court in Phoenix the authorities seized evidence from Loughner's home showed that he had planned to kill Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, D-Ariz., who wa...

Surgeons say Giffords showing positive signs
TUCSON, Ariz. — Doctors treating wounded Rep. Gabrielle Giffords provided an optimistic update Sunday about her chances for survival, saying they are "very, very encouraged" by her ability to respond to simple commands along with their success in controlling her bleeding. The FBI said Law Enforcement could bring charges against the gunman as early as Sunday, and House Speaker John Boehner said normal House business this week has been postponed in the aftermath of the shooting. Surgeons s...

Aide: Giffords is 'sort of alert'
Speaking on a rare Bipartisan telephone briefing, Rep. Gabrielle Giffords’ Chief of Staff Pia Carusone described Giffords’ state as “sort of alert,” in the wake of the attempted Assassination, which claimed the lives of six people, including federal District Court Judge John M. Roll and Giffords’ outreach director, Gabe Zimmerman. Carusone said Sunday that her boss is “sort of alert” when she is “taken off medicine” and that “when the...

Members Call for Toned-Down Rhetoric
It was a decidedly somber mood Sunday for public officials, one day after the shocking massacre that occurred in Tucson, Ariz., near a Safeway Parking Lot, in which Rep. Gabriel Giffords, D-Ariz., was shot in the head, six people died, and at least a dozen others were wounded. The potential political motivations behind the shooting sent a chill through the day's normally quibbling political chatter, with members downplaying their deep disagreements with one another. "Members of Congress either...

Quinn mum on possible tax hike
SPRINGFIELD -- Gov. Pat Quinn has never been one to shy away from the cameras as he has pushed his Populist agenda for four decades. But as he tries to push through what would be the largest state income Tax Increase in Illinois history, the Governor has gone to great lengths to stay out of the public eye. On Sunday, Quinn sought to avoid answering questions about the tax plan in a style reminiscent of his predecessor, disgraced ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich. Quinn used back doors and hallways in th...

Madigan content to be attorney general
Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan's political future is a favorite parlor game among the state's chattering classes, whether she's being talked up for Governor, U.S. Senate, the Illinois Supreme Court or mayor of Chicago. As she prepares to be sworn in to a third term Monday, Madigan maintains she's happy as the state's chief legal officer. "I love my job and I don't think I've failed to make that clear at any point," Madigan said. "With all due respect ... you spend more time thinking ab...

Scenes from a swearing-in: Georgians in the House
There was the pomp and the circumstance and the swapping of the supersize gavel marking the political power switch in the House and the official start of the 112th Congress. Ga. Politics news, helpful links PolitiFact Georgia » Ray McBerry: "You’ll find blacks in almost every regiment throughout the South who fought right alongside white Southerners," during the Civil War. New Republican Rep. Rob Woodall of Lawrenceville, who is single and without kids of his own, brought...

Arizona tragedy gives Congress a moment to pause
(01-09) 18:12 PST WASHINGTON, CA (AP) -- The shooting rampage in Arizona seems to have created a reset moment for confrontational politics, as lawmakers reflect on the repercussions of the overheated Rhetoric traded on the airwaves and on the Campaign Trail. Members of Congress from both parties called Sunday for civility over belligerence as the House temporarily shelved the contentious debate over repealing the Health Care law and lawmakers paused to contemplate the tragedy. Critically wound...

By the Skin of Pelosis Clenched Teeth
As if it wasn’t bad enough for Democrats, still licking their wounds from last year’s Elections, the party’s House Caucus leadership still finds itself in a state of obnoxious disarray and factionalism.  The signs of bitter internal fights are still apparent, from anxious Progressives clearly dissatisfied with the current political playing field and bitter moderate Blue Dogs blindly grabbing through the darkness of a Capitol Hill abyss. Months of circular Firing Squads and...

More Accusations Leveled At Rep. Mike Fitzpatrick (R-Pa.)
US Reps. Pete Sessions (R-Tex.), left, and Mike Fitzpatrick, (R-Pa.) raise their hands and recite the oath of office on Wednesday as they watch a television broadcast of speaker of the house John Boehner administering the oath from the House floor, during a reception for Fitzpatrick supporters in the Capitol Visitor Center in Washington. (AP photo/The Intelligencer, David Garrett) WASHINGTON, DC (CBS) — A government Watchdog agency is questioning whether Bucks County congressman Michael Fi...

Housed
WASHINGTON—Rule One of politics: When you have the advantage, don't allow your opponents to turn the tables. House Republicans violated this rule when they decided to make Repeal of the Health Care law their first major act in the 112th Congress. The mistake will haunt them for years. It's a surprising error from a leadership that showed shrewd judgment and exceptional discipline during President Obama's first two years. John Boehner is now Speaker of the House because he and his party fo...

Sheriff: Giffords Gunman May Not Have Acted Alone
© The Associated Press Suspected killer Jared L. Loughner, seen in this 2010 photo. Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was clinging to life after a gunman shot her in the head in front of an Arizona Grocery Store where she was holding a public event, and authorities believe he may have had help. Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik said tonight investigators are "not convinced" alleged gunman Jared Lee Loughner acted alone when the 22-year-old shot Giffords and and killed six other...

House joint caucus conference on security to be held Wednesday
House Democratic Caucus Chairman John Larson (Conn.) told reporters at a Capitol briefing after Sunday's Conference Call that leaders of both parties have scheduled a joint Caucus conference for Wednesday at House Speaker John Boehner's (R-Ohio) request. At Wednesday's meeting, members are expected to be given additional recommendations on security measures, Larson said. "The primary thing here is to make sure that all members are coordinating their efforts with local police officials, which a l...

Sunday Late Night: Newsweeks Unscrupulous Eleanor Clift
Eleanor Clift speaking at the 2008 National Book Festival. (photo: bluedvls11 via Flickr) Eleanor Clift’s pledge to keep statements off-the-record apparently ends if you’re a Member of Congress lying in an Arizona Hospital fighting for your life. Under those circumstances, Newsweek’s pet liberal columnist and Versailles courtier justifies disclosing what you’ve said about your colleagues, your district and your constituents. This is the worst kind of Villager self-aggr...

January 7 Middle East quotes of the week
Follow the links to read the whole thing. For the past 30 years, state-approved television in Iran has consisted largely of Islamic prayers, interviews with government ministers, melodramatic soap operas and Talk Shows in which mullahs expound on the depravities of the West and the righteousness of their own society. . . . But lately, a couple of irreverent expats in Washington have captivated Iranians with a show that pokes fun at the absurdities of life in the Islamic Republic. Operating out ...

Congress To Hold Special Conference To Discuss Security For Members
The Hill: The chairman of the House Democratic Caucus said Sunday that lawmakers will meet for a special joint conference on Wednesday to discuss security measures and concerns in the wake of the shooting of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-Ariz.) in her home district Saturday. Rep. John Larson (D-Conn.) spoke to reporters after about 800 lawmakers, Staffers and family members took part in an hour-and-a-half Conference Call Sunday afternoon. Giffords’ Chief of Staff, Pia Carusone, was among th...

Quote of the Day
“Now that the Republicans have taken over the House, they’re going to undo everything President Obama has done. John Boehner even told the Obama kids that the dog has to go back.” -David Letterman ...

US files charges, cites plan to kill congresswoman
TUCSON — Prosecutors accused Jared Lee Loughner, a troubled 22-year-old College Dropout, of five serious federal charges yesterday, including the attempted Assassination of a member of Congress, after a shooting Saturday morning that killed six people and left 14 wounded. Documents filed in the US District Court in Phoenix indicated that evidence seized from Loughner’s home showed he had planned to kill Representative Gabrielle Giffords, who was in critical condition with a gunshot ...

DeLay sentencing hearings in laundering case begin Monday
AUSTIN — Former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay will call on his old friend and colleague, former U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert, this week to help keep him out of Prison for his conviction on political Money Laundering charges. Two days of sentencing hearings for DeLay begin on Monday in an Austin courtroom before visiting District Judge Pat Priest, of San Antonio. DeLay faces a minimum sentence of five years Probation, but the maximum sentence on his Money Laundering conviction is 99 years or l...